What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 04:19
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But, we were locked up after school.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why do some people dislike Gilmore girls?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
What is your craziest college sex story?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was very sick at this time too.
Why do narcissists avoid talking about the real issues?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Why do some straight men like to suck dick but don't find other males attractive?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My family never makes their pension either.
My life is so biszare .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
What are LGBT+ people tired of hearing?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I couldn’t, believe it.
What are some common examples of condescending behavior?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She married twice! .
So whats the point in blame.
Why do narcissists and especially covert narcissists always play the victim?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But it wasn’t much.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I write beautiful poetry .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why did you put a guy’s dick in your mouth the first time?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As i do to all so called friends.?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We were not on the streets..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was seconnd youngest,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I don,t even have a pension.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Would this be the day?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
(And it was in our own minds.)
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I have no regrets .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And i lived it daily.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
This is soul school!.
All the time i was locked up.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She found it foreign!.
Why did i forgive my father ?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
What did i know ?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was scared of men, in general
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I waited trembling.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
When she asked me how she looked .
Ive learnt so much.
So, i spoilt her more .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
We all went to grammer schools
But ive been too sick for many years..
She wouldn,t have been !
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Comes on , in middle age.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I could never make a relationship work though!
She loved him until the end.
Im still living with it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
One cannot live in the past .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I was 9 years of age.
I think the readers, may guess!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I said to her
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Who then, do I blame.?
She was in good health!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He knew the spot.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Put me off passion for life!!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I will be 64.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Was to survive, this bastard.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
It was going to be , some day.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.